Time

So, here it is... two days until I go back to work for the school year. Time to lose with my kids, my family, and my friends. Time to feel like a terrible mother for working and being too tired to play when I get home. Time to feel like a terrible wife for working late and asking my husband to do more and more that I just can't get around to. Time to worry about losing a key ingredient to those strengthening friendships. It's difficult for everyone when I go from being a 24/7 friend, to a weekend friend, practically inaccessible Monday through Friday.

I'm trying to keep my chin up today. Trying to remember the reasons that I do what I do. Trying to remember the rewards that my kids get by having a working mother. Instead I can only focus on everything they lose. My heart is pounding just thinking about all the changes we are about to experience again. I worry about dropping Arya off at daycare with people that she may or may not remember. I worry about Cullen starting the school year with me. Is he ready for PreK? Will he run out of the bathroom naked for all the school to see? Will his teachers understand his speech?

I worry about my friendships most of all. My family is stuck with me...they have no choice but to stick around. My friends are different. Deep down, I know they are in this for the long haul, but still I worry. Will they grow closer together while I am working Monday through Friday? Will I get left behind? Will they understand this drastic change in my accessibility?

I guess I can only hope. I can only do so much on my own. At some point, I have to simply TRUST the people I have chosen to be a part of my life. I have to trust that they need me as much as I need them. I have to trust that they will do the same work that I do in order to keep relationships thriving.

Unfortunately, the fear of disappointment feels like a brick on my heart...

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