INsecure. INtrovert.

I am chronically insecure. As I sit, typing away, my palms are sweating...wondering who would want to hear what I have to say about ANYTHING. This is me, pushing past the introvert and writing what I feel...writing what I know...for me. So yes, you may be bored to tears already and that's okay...at least that's what I'm telling myself.
My insecurities and all that it entails sometimes sneaks up on me. Yesterday was my kids' birthday party. Cullen is four this month and Arya is one. We had a phenomenal time. I don't know how I'll ever top that party. Fast forward to today...and suddenly I'm worried about what people think about me, how I fit in to a crowd, what I can do to overcome this debilitating insecurity that I live with. I don't know the answer, but I do know that there are things in life that make that voice in my head, yelling that I'm not good enough, shut the hell up!
My family does this for me. My husband and kids (usually) make me feel more needed than anything else in life. If all else fails, I can look at them and know love.
My friends do this for me. This is the first time in a really long time that I can actually say that without lying through my teeth! In the past, my insecurities have taken the front seat...well they've pretty much driven the car! They have kept me in a state of jealousy and made that voice yell even louder! Somehow I have lucked my way into a group of women that actually help me fight those insecurities without even realizing it. Not only do they arm me for the battle with myself, they are standing with me  on the front lines! They seem to never get tired of reassuring me that I am, in fact, good enough!
My church does this...sometimes. God certainly does this for me, especially when I think of Him and pray to Him with the knowledge that He loves me, He created me, and those things alone make me something special. But at church, sometimes I get overwhelmed by the social aspect. I adore the church that I have found myself a home in, I really do. But, I don't think I'll ever get over my socially awkward tendencies. So, when I go into church focused on God and meeting with Him, church shuts that voice up. But, sometimes, I get lost on the way, and in those times that voice sneaks its way back in.
My goals through blogging:
1. Put my thoughts/feeling out in the universe. I don't plan on changing anyone's universe but my own.
2. ACTUALLY share these thoughts with the public. This is a HUGE step for me.
3. Stop freaking out every time I click "Publish".

Wish me luck!