Sometimes I feel like my life has a revolving door, constantly bringing new people into my life and taking others away. There are VERY few friends who have been constants for the long term. In this moment, I feel like I have someone that could board up that revolving door and stick around. However, my inability to balance my life as a teacher with my life as a mother, wife, and friend makes me feel like a bad friend. I'm drowning in so much of my own stress, that I can't see what's right in front of me. Or I CAN see it, and I'm so overwhelmed with my own problems, that I put off confronting the issue until it blows up in my face. So, this post is going out to someone who deserves to know how special she is to me.
I've talked about Megan before. She is my sister in every sense of the word. As it is with family, I have been wrapped up in my own life and have neglected the closest relationship that I have. I didn't even know what I was doing until we spent some one on one time together today. I knew something was wrong, but didn't know how much of it was because of me. I am so angry at myself for letting it get this far. I have had my head in the sand while the people around me have suffered. I have been selfish and for that I apologize.
Megan and I have been through a lot together. She is the only friend I've EVER had that has gotten upset with me and still stuck around to fix it. She has no idea how special that is to me. To have someone in my life that allows me to make mistakes, gives me the opportunity to fix whatever I've screwed up. It is an incredible gift considering how IMperfect I can be!
Megan and I have often gone through the same things at the same times, or shortly thereafter, and this is what happened this week. While I have developed my other friendships, I have neglected her. This is something that I have known and felt myself. I know EXACTLY what it feels like and I can't believe I didn't see it sooner. It is so much easier to feel sorry for myself than to see what I am doing to someone else.
While I was growing closer with others, which is something that I do not apologize for (and Megan would never ask me too...she knows how important it is), I have put our friendship on the backburner. Laura and I have grown closer, Laura and Megan have grown closer, and the three of us have had a stronger relationship...but somewhere along the way, I stopped trying to grow in my relationship with Megan. Relationships are living, breathing things. They need to be in constant motion, ever changing, evolving, and growing. When that stops happening, they die.
So, Megan...if you read this, I promise to start moving again. We will not throw OUR friendship away in favor of something else...we can and will have it all!
You are the glue that holds this all together.
If it weren't for you, I would have stopped going to church a long time ago. You came to Lifesong when I needed a reason to stay and to grow with God. Who knows where I would be without that!
Your ability to love without judgment is awe-inspiring.
Your strength is beyond words.
You honor me with your friendship. I know we will be old ladies together and I hope you know how rare it is for me to be able to say that with confidence. You have taught me how to be a LIFELONG friend. You are wise beyond your years and can say the perfect thing in order to bridge any divide!
I love you,
my friend...and I hope you can see how special you are because I am NEVER letting you out of my life, my soul sister!
Four years later, and these C.S. Lewis moments with you still take me by surprise!
